The 2005 Winners
"What? Those are the winners?! Where is my glorious entry?
Dammit, you wouldn't know funny if it bit you on the ass!"
No doubt. This sort of thing is enormously subjective. On a different day
I might well have picked a slightly different group of winners, and a
different judge would almost certainly have come up with a very different
list. It's hard to draw a line between those that just barely make it in
and those which are just barely left out. So if your sentence doesn't appear
below, that doesn't necessarily mean it was no good — it just didn't
jump out at me the way these did. And of course, I wouldn't know funny if
it bit me on the ass.
As noted on the main Lyttle Lytton page, the Byg Lytton contest had many
fewer entries than the regular contest, and there was no clear winner among
those I did get, so I'm adding another year to the deadline for that division.
If you've already entered, your entry will be considered again in '06, but
feel free to submit a new entry if you'd like.
As for the short contest, here's this year's winner:
John, surfing, said to his mother, surfing beside him, "How do you like surfing?"
I keep trying to think of something insightful to say about this year's winner, but then
I reread it and just start laughing again.
Second place and a Montfort Medal goes to:
Man oh man, you're gonna like this book; boy howdy.
The semicolon makes that one. A second Montfort Medal goes to:
Before I drop this narrative shit, here's a quick shout-out to that old Classics
professor who said I couldn't write for jack: yo, suck me!
Two Comrade Todd Awards this year:
Get ready to take a virtual tour of sydney australia through the
backyards of a kangaroo who will punch you in the head fifty times!
Braille haiku on the gravestone served to excite some while sighted
visitors needed only touch the smoothly polished shapes.
I'm not entirely sure what's going on with that second one but there's something
oddly compelling about it.
This year's Berman Prize winner is:
Dr. Metzger turned to greet his new patient, blithely
unaware he would soon become a member of a secret
brotherhood as old as urology itself.
And then we have some honorable mentions:
"Joy is contagious," he said, peering into the microscope.
(Normally I don't go for puns, but that one was well done.)
Her ovine familiar baaahed angrily.
The spaceship was crashing, but, more importantly, John and Greta were having
sex in it.
I wonder whether this is the same John who was surfing earlier. What a full, rich
life he leads!
(Definitions: the Montfort Medal is awarded to entries that refer to the book
itself or the process of writing it; the Comrade Todd Award is given to uniquely
mangled prose; the Berman Prize is for entries that seem innocuous yet suggest
truly appalling books.)
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