Children of Men
Timothy Sexton, David Arata, Mark Fergus, Hawk Ostby, PD James, and Alfonso Cuarón, 2006

#4, 2006 Skandies

This movie is terrible. Ostensibly, it is about a world in which humankind has inexplicably become sterile and no babies have been born in nearly twenty years. But the filmmakers display no interest in exploring this premise; it's just an excuse to posit a world that has turned into a massive war zone in which they can film one fucking chase scene after another. The plot involves a dude who had lost his own kid shortly before the global sterility set in trying to shepherd the first baby born in two decades to safety... but he could just as easily have been trying to safeguard the world's best egg salad recipe and it wouldn't changed the structure of the movie in the least. I read some reviews to see why on earth so many people liked this and they all said things like, "Wow, these battle scenes are incredible! The director goes like ten minutes without a cut! How did he film that?" Since I don't care at all about the answer to this question I guess this was not the movie for me.

When they got into the boat at the end I suddenly got a sinking feeling and I said to myself, "Oh no, I know what's coming. She's going to say she's naming the baby Dylan. If she says she's naming the baby Dylan I'm going to have to start my writeup by saying 'This movie is terrible.'"

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