And now, a look back at various phrases people sent to search engines in 2006 that brought them to my site. They are presented in chronological order.

howards moving castle
Merchant/Ivory does anime!

games that are good and you don't have to download
"...an' really, they don't even have to be that good. Just NO DOWNLOADING!"

the best cusses for free
I guess someone lives in a house with a swear jar.

how to get webcam where you can talk and see someone in different places
As opposed to the kind of webcam that only works on people who are in the room with you.

zero testosterone no desire man
...is my least favorite superhero.

confederacy of dunces why is it funny
Well, because the guy is really fat, you see. And he farts. And, uh... did I mention he's fat?

although it claims to promote individuality most advertising promote conformity
True, but I don't think Google's going to read that and drop Adsense.

george w bush sounds like
No, no, no, that was supposed to be a chimp. The word was "blimp." You suck at Charades!

green day vs. shirley mansons
Well, that would depend on how many Shirley Mansons there were. Only two and they'd be outnumbered, but I think with three they'd win pretty easily. I mean, Billy's kind of a shrimp, and that chick is a hellcat.

walks into a talent agent's office i have act
The thing is, this is probably the funniest rendition of the Aristocrats joke out there.

show me sex scene from 9 songs
Someone has just lost on Family Feud.

when was the celebrated jumping frog of calaveras county wrote
It was wrote back when people knowed how verbs worked.

politeness problems new yorkers
Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

use cringeworthy in a sentence
"New Yorkers' manners are truly cringeworthy."

what do green beans look like
Well, they're kind of bean-shaped. And green.

money spent each year on narcolepsy
I mean, the cost of pillows alone...

watch a free video of strippers taking all their clothes off
But strippers are ordinarily so modest!

fantastically ethical fish
They always point out when they've been undercharged, and have nothing to do with Jack Abramoff.

how to become a telekinetic
Someone's in for a disappointment.

girls are just as capable as boys
Of becoming telekinetic? Granted, but that doesn't mean much.

where was garden state filmed?
Uh, isn't that kind of like asking, "How long ago was a million years ago?"

food poisoning from pineapple fritters
I'm so sorry.

recipe for making doughballs for my pizza parlor
Maybe you should have thought of that before opening one!

pictures of naked girls before 1995
Because, hey, they're legal now...

there's a new song out that sounds like nirvana
Before 1995, that was pretty much every song.

how to pronounce siobhan
I think that requires telekinesis.

suggestions of slogans for winning an election
I recommend against "Let's give a welcome to macaca here."

beverly crusher swimming without a swimsuit
Wow, that's, like, really... specific.

play manicure games online now
I'm glad I was able to help!

how can we prevent the overpopulation in the future
Well, we can start by training people to respond sexually only to Beverly Crusher swimming without a swimsuit.

they call him flash- flash- flash- flaaash-beagle
AAAAAAHHH GET OUT OF MY HEAD

how to keep plantain chips crunchy when bag
Man, if I had a nickel for every time I've asked myself that.

my name is lucas i live in the second floor
...I live upstairs on you / Guess I think your zine is a bore

how does a male person felt when a female person would surprised him by taking him inside her female clothing department store and when he except to go with her inside a female clothing department store she would lock the door behind him and then she surprised him by telling him that he had to let her and her female friends dress him in all there female clothes on him
Well, I'm a male person, and I'll tell you how it felt. Here I was, minding my own business, when...

let me suck you off julie
Looks like someone skipped anatomy class.

what is the reason for not ovulating?
Being a male person?

in which cardinal direction are you supposed to sleep?
You're actually supposed to sleep northeast, but you can't do that in Adrift games.

drawings augean stables
Ew.

blue warrior needs green valkyrie badly
Twenty years later: "How can we prevent the teal overpopulation in the future?"

games that kids have killed themselves over
I guess Missile Command was pretty depressing.

blood in sputum immediately following smoking weed
Blood in sputum is my anti-drug!

midevil bathroom
I suppose that in the Middle Ages bathrooms were pretty evil.

holman hunt hireling shepherd reproductions
Twenty years later: "How can we prevent the holman hunt hireling shepherd overpopulation in the future?"

using just basic to create interactive fiction
10 PRINT "*** YOU HAVE DIED ***"
20 GOTO 10

best potato restaurants colorado
I think most of the country's potato restaurants are in Idaho, actually.

impact of not ovulating
Less of the overpopulation in the future!

george w bush offends me
Will you marry me?

show me more cheerleader move that i con do for my school
Maybe you'd better concentrate on English class, sweetie.

what to do when you eat or smell rhododendron
You're not sure which you did?

what was the biggest sundae offered by baskin & robbins
And how much propylene glycol monostearate did it contain?

ethiopian fancy goods
I think in Ethiopia "fancy goods" include "food."

how far should semen go into vagina
That depends on how you feel about the overpopulation.

making a game out of mrs frisby and the rats of nimh
Hey, that reminds me — I should get a Frisbee.

man caring for bears eaten by bears
That actually would've been a better title than Grizzly Man.

without a compass how will u tell directions?
Without a dictionary how will you spell simple pronouns?

i must eat the fish every day unless she don;t die game
I guess some people are still coding up hunger puzzles.

hexadecimal number for baby blue
I know this one! There are actually two: 5 and E. Glad to be of service!

standard pastry served at a meeting
Bear claw. Next!

how do you put games into a window
Because he wanted to see Neverwinter Nights fly!

the dogs ripped her pants apart as she took them off
I know strip clubs are always looking for a new gimmick, but I don't think having the dancers' discarded clothing destroyed by dogs is going to bring in the customers.

how much of an artichoke is edible
Yeah, I couldn't believe it was that little either.

hemp okay to eat for children
Sure, if you don't mind cleaning up the bloody sputum.

mice tyson
...should be a level boss in the Rats of NIMH game.

wally amos chocolate chips cookies are they crispy or crunchy???????????
What's the difference???????????

kidney stew restaurants new york
Ew.

a little nudity
Not a lot! Just a little. Like, that free movie with the strippers taking all their clothes off... why, that'd be excessive!

they made up a game called second sight they should come out with a movie called second sight
Here you go. http://imdb.com/title/tt0098276/
John Larroquette and Bronson Pinchot! What, no cameo for ALF?

un-interactive
I'm sure my critics would say I should be the top hit for this.

brides want breadwinners
TOO LATE

my house is cement block on the ground how to dress it up
Ask Martha Stewart. I understand she's recently had some relevant experience.

cheerleading uniforms with pictures showing what people look like inside of them
Most searches are more interested in what people look like outside of them.

what happen to america after wwiii
Well, the sassy yet virginal science genius who also happens to be a perky-breasted beauty pageant winner who likes skinny dipping got married and immediately got knocked up, but she stayed as sassy as ever.

pepperidge farm oatmeal cookie supermarket tokyo
What, Pocky ain't good enough for ya? Ya got a problem with Pocky?

good places to eat along i-80 in nebraska
Pffff. You'd have better luck finding oatmeal cookies in Tokyo.

a word at the beginning of a novel that is a word as well as a sentence. which novel is this>
I don't know, but I'm guessing it's by Paul Panks.

how can i order a penal kit for a dishwasher?
That salad fork must answer for its crimes!

is a slimy samosa still good?
You should have asked that about the pineapple fritter!

maple syrup odor biohazard
That said, if you must be exposed to a biohazard, that's one of the best kinds.

oh no my easter dress is ruined
"I was in the middle of taking it off when it was ripped apart by dogs!"

cake pastry disturbing in ny
Everything's disturbing in NY. Cake pastry is no exception.

if a rat eats cheese will its urination patterns change
I... guess it depends on the type of cheese.

how long bowl artichokes
As long as you keep rolling strikes, I think you're in business.

2 blintzes only and a toast to your health ny york times
I think you've had enough for tonight, Uncle Leo.

where to eat in santa ana canyon road
I guess the median strip would be safest.

rare lolita fucking
The whole point of Lolita is that it was not rare for her to be fucking!

glorious sandwich bite crumb hungry delicious good fresh well soft
This is what happens when you hire Koko the gorilla to write your restaurant reviews.

deep fried mushrooms where to find in orange county ca
Well, uh, Regal Lanes on Tustin Avenue had 'em when I went there back in '85, so maybe try there?

mormons are not allowed to watch tv
They're not? Then how did Touched by an Angel stay on the air so long?

fish with sharp teeth on the sides that makes it look like a saw with blue yellow skin
That doesn't sound like a very ethical fish!

how to convince people to vote for you as valedictorian
"...and if you fail, how do you go about filing a series of lawsuits against the school district?"

the explorers name two reasons people needed spices
Well, for one, human flesh is very bland without at least a little paprika.

major league baseball teams and how to write a letter to the oakland athletics
Because with their budget, they can't afford a telephone.

sentence with the word destitute
"How do I write a letter to the destitute Oakland Athletics?"

bra unhooking contest
Where do I sign up?

how much fat in pick up stix lettuce wraps
Because if anyone could manage to pack fat into a "lettuce wrap," it's the American fast food industry.

is walmart coming to rawlins wyoming
Just when you thought Rawlins, Wyoming, couldn't get any worse.

musical texture of no doubt return of saturn
"Is a slimy album still good to listen to?"

what to eat with biscuits
Well, some people like them with cheese, but apparently that can throw your urination patterns out of whack.

is chess or go really that different
Yes. One is not dominated by RS/6000 workstations.

how to make olympic rings with corel draw
I think the last time anyone used Corel Draw was during the Barcelona games.

saved by the bell misunderstanding
Oh! I love that episode! The one with the misunderstanding! That was the best!

if life is so sacred why do people kill each other
It would be awesome if you could just type that into Google and get the answer.

all my friends are having children
I guess they're testing how far semen should go into the vagina via trial and error.

what was the reason for germany and france being rivals
« Jerry Lewis is ze greatest American in 'istory! »
„Schweinhund! It is David Hasselhoff!“

who gave howard hughes the glass of water
Sorry, my fault. I guess I'll go rustle up some jars.

others see us create a board game
Goddamn cell phone cameras.

hi me 5
Okay, that explains your grammar. What's everyone else's excuse?

how long ago was 1000000 years ago?
Okay, I take it back. Garden State was filmed in New Jersey.

through hard work courage and determination one can achieve prosperity
Just ask Paris Hilton.

bears fuck
That they do, friend. That they do.

bay area best food tomato soup
Somehow I have to think that the best food in the Bay Area is not tomato soup. If it is, well, damn, I guess I'd better go get me some of that soup!

cinematic movies with women in stockings
"Yes, yes, Helpless Heroines in Hose was indeed full of women in stockings, but... it just wasn't very cinematic!"

what year did baseball players start wearing team name on their jerseys
The A's are still working on it. Nameplates are expensive!

cold war who had power to push the button
The thing is — think about the answer to that question. Yeah. Those guys. Scary, huh?

sheepshead bay chinese food yummy taco
This is probably the same guy who goes to Taco Bell and asks for the lo mein. (Though I guess he'd have a better chance at that than at getting something yummy.)

why do my guitar chords sound like shit?
Probably because you play for They Might Be Giants.

even if i were single you'd still hurt me
Yeah, I'd play you They Might Be Giants songs.

gelateria naia girl
Having been to Gelateria Naia and seen the sorts of girls who work there, do I ever have the perfect site for you! Go to suicidegirls.com. You can practically smell the gelato!

what does machine code look like?
01001001 01110100 00100000 01101100 01101111 01101111 01101011 01110011 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101011 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01110011 00101110

girls without clothes acting naughty
I guess this is what Girls Gone Wild had to call itself when it advertised on PAX TV.

how to tell if the clutch is about to go
The problem isn't the clutch — the problem is that you're using Google while driving.

kurt cobain hated axl rose
Who didn't?

is groundhog day true?
Yes, it's a documentary.

chastity stories
Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought this would happen to me, and it didn't.

stories from people who have seen heaven
Mutually exclusive with the previous.

i just cant sleep well do that mean i have narcolepsy
I think it means you don't have enough!

what name did ben and jerry give a banana ice cream concoction sprinkled with chunks of walnuts and chocolate
I know the answer is "Chunky Monkey," but "Banana Republic" would have been funnier.

why are humans attracted to disturbing things?
Yeah, like cake pastry!

gillette ww1 razor
Back during World War One the razors only had eight blades.

i love you but leave me the fuck alone
Eep! Er, okay then. Happy 2007, everyone!


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