North American eateries

Ratings are on a scale of 0 to 24.  The scale used to be 0 to 10, so restaurants written about before 2012 may have only had their ratings adjusted by formula and not by hand (hence all the 2s, 5s, 8s, etc.)  The scale works as follows:

PRO
24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16
pro
15 14 13 12 11 10
mixed
9 8 7 6 5 4
con
3 2 1
CON
0

An asymmetrical 0 to 24 scale may not be intuitive, I realize.  But as a rule of thumb: a double-digit score means I liked it, while a single-digit score… less so.  Also, as you might expect, scores from many years ago may not be very reliable, so do check the dates.

Oregon

Where waiters have to cut your food for you because it takes a trained professional to operate a set of silverware.  Ha ha ha ha!  Just kidding.  I mean, that’s almost as ridiculous as not being allowed to pump your own gas.

Click on the column titles to sort the entries!

Name Cuisine Address Last update Score
Zaap ThaiThaiMLK & Fremont, Portland2022-05-0616
Yipes, I see that my initial review was up for nearly a year, even though we have gone here many times since then.  Ellie always gets the orange tofu and says it’s her favorite dish at any restaurant.  I have tried something different each time we’ve gone and it’s all been very good.  I’m promoting this to pantheon level not because I’ve been blown away by any particular dish but for high quality across the menu.  (And they’re finally open for dine-in!)
Kasbah Moroccan CafeMoroccanDavis & 2nd, Portland2023-05-1615
There was a real Soup Nazi vibe to this place on my first visit, as the proprietor was very persnickety about his ordering system… but the food made putting up with the hostility (and the bad neighborhood) totally worth it.  I got the seven vegetable tagine and it was one of the best meals I’ve had in Portland and the best tagine I’ve had anywhere.  My second visit didn’t quite put this place in the pantheon, but showed that the first tagine wasn’t a fluke.
Queen of ShebaEthiopianMLK btw Sacramento/Russell, Portland2022-04-2615
We first ordered from here during the pandemic and therefore had to get everything packed up in a bunch of plastic containers, which made for a suboptimal eating experience.  But I was eager to return as soon as dine-in was available, because the vegetarian sampler we got impressed me with how varied it was: there were ten different components to it, not just the usual red yellow green and cabbage.  Eight months later, the place finally offered up a few tables, and that made for a significantly more pleasant meal.  Highly recommended.
Bamboo SushiJapaneseregional chain2023-02-2614
I see that, like Salt & Straw, this is a Portland chain that has begun to colonize the rest of the western U.S., but also like Salt & Straw, that strikes me as a good thing, because this place is pretty great!  Though it’d better be, given how expensive it is—​seven dollars for a small glass of “berry smash” soda, literally three medium-sized swallows given all the ice.  But… I have to confess, it was one of the best beverages I have ever tasted.
the Meddling LimeMexicanMilwaukie btw Tolman/Yukon, Portland2022-08-0214
This food cart was going to have to really impress me after it went missing on my first attempt to try it—​over an hour there and back with nothing to show for it.  And… the cauliflower chimichanga I got really impressed me!  Then it was really going to have to really impress me after it went missing on my third attempt to try it—​and on visit number four, I went for the “crispy rice”, and it was both delicious and novel.  Visit five was the best yet—​this place would be comfortably in the pantheon if not for that earlier flakiness.
Ranch PDXPizzalocal chain, Portland2022-08-0913
One of my favorite spots in Portland, this place serves up square pizzas, available in wholes, halves, or quarters.  The veggie quarter is absolutely loaded with toppings that make for what Masterchef Australia would call a flavor bomb.  Even the cheese quarter is more flavorful than I expected on my first visit.  (And, yes, the sides of ranch are good too!)
Thai FusionThaiWillamette & 27th, Eugene2023-10-2312
Ellie got some pineapple fried rice here; I had a few bites and was impressed.  I liked the assortment of mix-ins, from cashews to scallions to little cubes of fried tofu (much better than the soft blobs I had been braced for).
Twisted CroissantBakeryBroadway btw 21st/22nd, Portland2023-06-0712
Years after the fad came and went, I finally got to try a “cronut”, and… yeah, it wasn’t for me!  It seemed to combine the worst traits of each pastry rather than the best.  I consequently gave this place a middling rating.  But a couple of years later I came back and tried some other stuff, like the pain suisse with chocolate and cherries, and it was very good!  A few more successes like that and this place could find itself in the upper reaches of the rating scale.
Lúc LắcVietnamese2nd & Taylor, Portland2023-02-2512
I haven’t actually been to the physical restaurant, but this was our first delivery order in Portland, pretty late in the evening with not a lot of options, and it was a success.  I got the vegan tom yum soup, and it was quite flavorful.  And it held up to delivery extremely well, so this has become one of our go-to spots when we don’t want to leave the apartment.
Eb & BeanDessert (frozen yogurt)local chain, Portland2022-03-0712
Here I got a pistachio frozen yogurt that seemed very high-quality—​the pistachio flavor topped that of any pistachio cup I’ve gotten from a gelato place.
Mother’s BistroAmerican3rd & Ash, Portland2021-12-2612
I’m not sure the “breakfast nachos” really merit the label—​yes, the roasted potatoes are covered in melted cheese, but there’s nothing Mexican about them, no beans or salsa or anything—​but they were tasty, and the strawberry lemonade was dynamite.
Life of PiePizzaWilliams & Beech, Portland2021-12-0112
A margherita pizza here normally goes for $12.  This place serves up a pretty good margherita for that price.  However, from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. the price for that same pizza is $7, and at that price point the pizza is great.
La Parrilla KitchenMexican82nd & Klickitat, Portland2021-11-2712
A low-rent space on the far edge of town, whose menu consists of unhelpful pictures on a wall, but I thought that both my chilaquiles and Ellie’s enchiladas were really good—​well above the Portland standard.  Thumbs up!
Fried Egg I’m in LoveBreakfastlocal chain, Portland2021-10-3112
This place serves up egg sandwiches whose names, like that of the establishment itself, are music puns: “Yolko Ono”, “Smells Like Protein Spirit”, etc.  I’ve had the “Free-Range Against the Machine”, which complements the fried egg with tomato, avocado, and havarti, a couple of times.  It’s pretty darn good!
Blue Star DonutsDonutsregional chain2021-07-1112
This place has since expanded to the L.A. area, but I first encountered it in Portland, which is apparently quite the donut town.  However, whereas the trademark of the better-known Voodoo Doughnut is dressing up standard donuts with M & M’s and Froot Loops, this place makes gourmet donuts in varieties such as passion fruit cacao nib and Cointreau crème brûlée.  Even the glazed donut is glazed with horchata.  Anyway, it’s no contest: this place is way better.  There’s still a ceiling on how good a donut can be, but this place makes that ceiling seem a little bit higher.
Tin ShedBreakfast/lunchAlberta & 14th, Portland2023-05-1511
The breakfast I ordered on my first visit included an impressive variety of stuff—​a scramble with an impressive array of vegetables, potato cakes, cheesy polenta, and a biscuit with raspberry jam—​impressive enough to at least partly make up for the fact that the eggs were pretty cold and the biscuit was a little rubbery.  Ellie liked her meal more than I liked mine, and put this on the list for a return visit; the second time around I got a bowl of farro with cauliflower and asparagus and green chickpeas.  It was not exactly a flavor bomb, but it was well made and unusual enough for me to bump up my original score a bit.
Scottie’s Pizza ParlorPizzatwo locations, Portland2023-03-1811
Pretty good high-end slices, though virtually any reheated slice is going to pale in comparison to one that just came out of the oven for the first time.  Note: we got two of the standard slices with basil and shaved parmesan—​one with burrata and one without—​and also got a square “grandma slice” and one with ricotta, caramelized onions, and sesame seeds.  I liked all of them; Ellie didn’t like any of them.
Mole MoleMexicanAlberta btw 23rd/22nd, Portland2022-10-3011
On my first trip here I got three cheese enchiladas, each with a different mole sauce.  The green one was by far the best, so on subsequent visits I’ve just gotten that.  Not as good as Los Moles in the Bay Area, but there’s plenty of room under that high bar to still be very good.
Tight TacosMexican (taqueria)regional chain2022-05-2011
Here I got a “hella-rito”, which based on the name seems to be a Portlander’s idea of what would distinguish a Bay Area burrito from the standard, even though the Mission burrito is the distinctive Bay Area twist on the burrito.  The “hella-rito” came with nacho cheese instead of shredded cheese, french fries instead of rice, and nothing in particular in place of beans.  Pretty good, but dang, pick a new name.
Dove ViviPizzaGlisan btw Lawrence/28th, Portland2022-05-0511
The pizza illuminati on the internets have long disparaged my beloved Zachary’s Pizza, sniffing that if you want a stuffed pizza in the Bay Area, you should go to Little Star with its cornmeal crust.  I do not like Little Star and find the crust at Zachary’s far superior.  When I saw enthusiastic reviews of this place, which specializes in cornmeal crust pizzas, I was skeptical.  But I am pleased to report that the cornmeal crust here is better than that at Little Star—​I too will give it a thumbs-up.
Urban FondueFondueGlisan near 21st, Portland2022-03-0611
Thumbs-up to the pesto caprese fondue, though the promised cherry tomatoes were not in evidence.  The chocolate butterscotch dessert was also okay, though I might have preferred a lighter hand on the chocolate.  Savory sides for dipping (I ordered roasted cauliflower, Ellie fingerling potatoes) were well prepared; dessert dippables weren’t quite on the same level.  Oddly, the soundtrack was a fairly short Best of Blondie collection so we heard each song multiple times.
Broder NordScandinavianMississippi btw Beech/Failing, Portland2022-01-3111
For a place that specializes in things like trout mousse and pickled herring, I was surprised to find a bunch of breakfast items I wanted to try.  Ellie and I ended up getting an order of fluffy, spherical “pancakes” with lemon curd and lingonberry jam and an order of “lost eggs” baked in a skillet with spinach, squash, and brussels sprouts in a cream sauce, topped with a panko crust.  Certainly a place I’d be interested in returning to.
My ViceBreakfast/lunchCesar Chavez & Lincoln, Portland2021-12-2711
Here I had a tasty bowl of bits and bobs: sweet potatoes, zucchini, kale, etc.  Nothing I couldn’t have made myself, but while the best thing about eating out is the chance to experience food beyond your own cooking abilities, just being spared the effort of cooking (especially when it involves preparing a bunch of different ingredients) is good too.
Salt & StrawIce creamregional chain2021-10-2011
After my first visit, I wrote that “the flavors are unusual like Humphry Slocombe without being stupid like Humphry Slocombe”, but I hadn’t seen enough flavors yet: Salt & Straw has since demonstrated a cheerful willingness to out-stupid Humphry Slocombe, with flavors like “cricket and mealworm”, “turkey and cranberry”, and “dinner roll”.  But the cookie dough ice cream is good enough that I still have to give this place a thumbs-up.
Apizza SchollsPizzaSE Hawthorne btw 47th/48th, Portland2006-08-1911
This place serves what, from above, is one of the most beautiful pizzas I've ever seen. From below, however, it betrays its New Haven heritage. Yes, this is one of those places, like Sally's and Modern Apizza, where the pizza isn't considered done until the edge and bottom are mostly black. Lamentable. With a less burnt crust this could be a 6 or 7.
Potato ChampionFriesHawthorne & 12th, Portland2023-06-0610
I really liked the vegetarian poutine at the Pink Bicycle in Victoria, so in 2013 I thought I’d try the Portland version.  Verdict: it’s no Pink Bicycle.  In 2023 I returned to Victoria to discover that, to my horror, the Pink Bicycle had permanently closed the previous summer.  I tried some other poutine shops in town, but they were no substitute.  However, upon returning to Portland, I gave Potato Champion another try, and my new verdict is that while it’s still no Pink Bicycle, it’s actually a fair bit better than Victoria’s remaining poutine shops.  I was impressed.  This rating might be even higher had my first attempt to visit in 2023 not met with the usual food truck flakiness.  Hey, you know how you post hours saying when you’ll be open?  That kinda means that during those hours you should, y’know, be open!
Tito’s TaquitosMexicanBeaverton Hillsdale btw 39th/42nd, Portland2023-06-0110
Taquitos are relatively rare on taqueria menus, and I tend to think of them as primarily something you find in the frozen food aisle and then make at home when you have no other options.  Turns out that they’re a lot better when they’re fresh.  The taco I had here was also uncommonly interesting, with chickpeas in an “al pastor” sauce.  But I can’t rate this place any higher than this.  When you decide to go into food service, your job is to serve food.  People may have traveled a long distance to try the food you purport to serve.  Run out of food before they get there, like this place did the first time I went, and you have utterly failed at the one thing you’re supposed to do.
Tamale BoyMexicanthree locations, Portland2022-08-0910
Here I got a “sopa azul”: a blue corn cake topped with mashed black beans, saucy cauliflower, and some other stuff.  It was pretty good.  Next time I’ll actually try the tamales.
the Sweeteasy Co.Dessert (ice cream)Cascade btw Elm/Oak, Sisters2022-08-0110
When I was up in Oregon for the 2017 eclipse, I stopped by this place (which was called BJ’s Ice Cream then) and was looking for two things: (1) for the ice cream to be good and (2) for an Oregon-specific flavor.  I got the Oregon Trail, chocolate ice cream with a blackberry and hazelnut ribbon.  It met the brief.  I tried it again five years later and liked it just as much.
El PilónColombian2nd btw Oak/Milk, Portland2022-05-2110
Both the arepa and the patacon that I got were overloaded with gloppy cheese.  On their own, hardly even edible.  But all three of the sauces that came with the food were good enough to push this place up into the recommended range.
Doe DonutsDonutstheoretically on Sandy, actually on Broadway, Portland2022-04-2410
I had a pretty good donut topped with chocolate, caramel, and coconut here, but as noted elsewhere, there is a ceiling on how good a donut can be.
SmaakenWafflesMadison & 11th, Portland2022-03-2910
Specifically, this place makes waffle sandwiches—​literally regular sandwiches (Ellie got fried tofu, cheddar, and fresh spinach with honey dijon) on sweet waffles instead of bread.  Strange but not bad!  I decided to try a more conventional one (eggs, spinach, artichoke, gouda) and it was fine, but I doubt I’ll be making this a stop on every trip.  I’ll probably try a sweet one at some point and then my curiosity will be sated.
EvergreensSaladregional chain2022-03-0810
I’ve had the Southwestern-ish “El Sombrero” salad a couple of times—​once in a takeout container, once in a wrap—​and it’s pretty good for chain fare.
La TehuanaMexicanKillingsworth & Maryland, Portland2021-12-3010
The mole enchiladas I got suggested that this food cart serves high-quality fare, even though that precise dish was not really to my taste.  So I came back and tried the tlayuda, which I enjoyed but which was not worth anything close to the $25 these folks charge.  Eventually I circled around to things like the entomatadas and memelitas which are both good and reasonably priced.
the Pleasant PeasantLebaneseMadison & 11th, Portland2021-11-0910
Got a cauliflower wrap here.  No complaints.
Pepino’sMexicantwo locations, Portland2021-11-0810
The nachos I got here were perfectly fine but not extraordinary.  But the $5 “El Cheapo” so perfectly replicated the beloved burrito of Ellie’s college days that she might well double this score.
Dimo’s ApizzaPizzaBurnside & 7th, Portland2021-11-0110
Fairly decent New Haven-style pizza with some interesting toppings.
RosmarinoItalian1st btw Edwards/College, Newberg2021-09-2610
We went on a Sunday for the pizza and gnocchi menu.  The gnocchi were weirdly tiny and were served in an undersalted sauce.  The pizza was very good, but a bit small for the price.
Bull Run PizzaPizza28th & Couch, Portland2021-09-1310
Pretty good pizza, served hot because it was actually ready when the web site said.
Happy Sparrow CafeBreakfastBelmont & 30th, Portland2013-03-2810
This place specializes in kolaches, a type of Czech pastry. They're round and slightly puffy. I got one filled with spinach, mushroom, artichoke, and cheese, and another topped with strawberry jam. They were pretty good.
the Waffle WindowWafflestwo locations, Portland2013-03-2810
Here I got a waffle with grape tomatoes, brie, basil, and sugar crystals, with a side of apricot jam. It was fine.
St. Honoré BoulangerieBakeryregional chain2023-10-239
Here I got a chocolate hazelnut croissant (interesting change of pace) and an apricot almond tart (not as good as similar tarts I’ve had, such as at Planet Organic in British Columbia).  Prices are high.
Pine State BiscuitsBiscuitslocal chain, Portland2023-05-149
Apparently I wasn’t super impressed by the plain egg and cheese biscuit that I got in 2013, but more recently I tried the biscuit with an egg, collard greens, and hot sauce, and it was a winner—​up there with Fried Egg I’m in Love.  The “hash ups”, a flat disk of fried grated potato topped with mushrooms and onions, looked really good but unfortunately tasted mainly of burning.  “Pop tart” pastries (that didn’t really much resemble Pop-Tarts®) were reasonably good but expensive for the size.
Petite ProvenceFrenchregional chain2022-08-099
Looks like I tried this place for a sit-down breakfast when passing through on a drive back from Canada years ago.  Then, years later, I started going to Portland all the time, and it took me over a year to come back.  Same rating, though!  This time around I got a marionberry cheese croissant and a strawberry lime brioche.  Both were fine but unmemorable.
Papa HaydnCaketwo locations, Portland2022-05-199
This place does serve more than cake, but it offers many, many varieties of fancy cake, and that is what we went for.  I got the “Mt. Adams’: hazelnut-coconut cake, praline, huckleberry compote, and buttercream.  It was pretty good, but for $11 for a single slice I was looking for something transcendent and didn’t get it.  (Slices of cake from Magnolia Bakery are cheaper.)
MirisataSri LankanBelmont btw 25th/23rd, Portland2022-01-309
We went here on Christmas because it was basically the only thing open, and found lots of good stuff in the rice and curry thali: the dal was fine, the stir-fried cashews were good, and the coconut roti I got as an add-on looked like a hockey puck but turned out to be very tasty as well.  (Service was perhaps a bit lacking—​they were already fifteen minutes behind on orders five minutes after they opened, and because the prep area was open to public view, we could see everyone running around in confusion.)  Visit number two wasn’t quite as good—​I think that this is the sort of place, like the Tibetan places back in the East Bay, where you have to keep a careful eye on the menu to make sure that day’s lineup offers something more appetizing than carrot curry.
La PuertaSalvadoranKillingsworth btw Maryland/Montana, Portland2021-12-309
I have found that pupusas are kind of samey, but it’s nice that this place lets you pick three fillings (I got cheese, beans, and zucchini).  As recently as a year or two ago I probably would have ignored the tiny container of pickled cabbage, but I found that it improved the meal significantly.
MF TastySouthwesternWilliams btw Failing/Shaver, Portland2021-11-069
Tasty, sure, but the M is going too far and even the F is questionable.  The Internet led me to expect a panoply of innovative options, but I’ve eaten here a couple of times and it’s been… a breakfast burrito and some nachos.  Fine, but not revelatory.
Cheryl’s on 12thBreakfast/lunchWashington & 12th, Portland2021-10-319
Here I’ve had the eggs benedict with spinach and artichoke and a vegan scramble with a non-vegan side of macaroni and cheese.  None of these meals were bad, but they did lack a certain finesse.  I felt as though I were at the best eatery in a small Middle American town halfway through a cross-country road trip, which is not really a recommendation when you’re not actually in such a locale.
MaillardSandwichesAlberta & 23rd, Portland2021-10-159
I had a few bites of Ellie’s grilled cheese with avocado and tomato.  It was tasty; I especially appreciated that they seemed to have squeeze it some lemon to add a little freshness to a potentially stodgy sandwich.  But I can’t give a super enthusiastic thumbs-up because, c’mon, $13 for a grilled cheese?
Pie SpotPies and moretwo locations, Portland2021-09-119
The marionberry pie didn’t do much for me, but the chocolate hazelnut pie was a winner—​I look forward to going back and giving this place another try.
Bari Food CartItalianFoster & Bush, Portland2021-07-109
This place specializes in “panzerotti fritti”, which are basically empanadas.  If you’ve ever eaten a calzone and thought, “Y’know, I really wish this shell tasted more like a donut,” this is the place for you.
Kaleidoscope Pizzeria & PubPizzaCrater Lake near Delta Waters, Medford2013-03-189
Here I got a pizza topped with whole roasted garlic cloves and an assortment of other vegetables. You could certainly do a hell of a lot worse traveling through Medford, Oregon, but I doubt I would go there often (or even occasionally) if it were local.
AfuriJapaneselocal chain2023-10-218
Before ending my stint as a part-time Portland resident, I was going to pay one last visit to one of my favorite restaurants, but instead (partly because it was raining) I opted for delivery from this place, which had been on my list of restaurants to try after I read about its vegetarian ramen in hazelnut broth—​I can get Ethiopian or Moroccan food back home, but this seemed distinctly Oregonian.  And… it was fine.  To me the hazelnut broth tasted pretty indistinguishable from a Thai peanut sauce.  Ellie really enjoyed her crispy eggplant rice bowl but was shocked at how meager the serving size was.  (She says, “Tell the people I said it was a Lean Cuisine-ass portion.”)
Swagat Indian CuisineIndianthree locations2022-05-198
Here I got a South Indian combo (the usual thing: dosa, idli, vada).  It was fine.  Ellie got a paneer tikka masala that was oddly sweet and stingy on the paneer.  The naan was also a bit lacking.
Shalom Y’allIsraeliTaylor btw 2nd/Water, Portland2022-05-188
I got a fried cauliflower and hummus dish that came with a pillowy pita—​a pretty darn good small plate for $7.50, but unfortunately it was $15.  Ellie was unimpressed by the lemon zest fries, saying that they seemed like supermarket fries with some seasonings added.  I might still have given this a 9, but having run out of the dessert I would have ordered means I can’t be that generous.
El Buen SaborMexicanBlair btw 7th/6th, Eugene2022-03-278
At this Oaxacan place I got a tlayuda that was okay.  I guess maybe I have to stop expecting that tlayudas are going to be all that great every time I find one on a menu.  I was surprised to find that Ellie loved her burrito, because (a) she hasn’t been super keen on Oaxacan places in the past and (b) I tried the burrito and wasn’t impressed.
TexicanoTex-MexMadison & 11th, Portland2022-03-268
Here I got some sad-looking enchiladas stuffed with unmelted cheese.  They tasted okay, but that probably still wouldn’t be enough to earn this weak thumbs-up.  The delicious (though expensive) strawberry lemonade did that.
La BonitaMexican (taqueria)three locations, Portland2022-03-258
Here I got a gigantic plate of middle-of-the-road nachos.  An anecdote: I went up to the pickup window and found a large stack of plastic cups for water.  The following conversation ensued:

Me: “Can I have a couple of these cups for water?”
Cashier: “I have to make the margarita mix!”
Me: (blank look)
Cashier: “…What did you want?”
Me: “Can I have a couple of these cups for water?”
Cashier: “There’s a big stack of cups right there on that table!” (points)
Me: (looks at empty table)
Cashier: (looks at empty table)
Cashier: (hands me two cups)

GüeroMexican28th & Davis, Portland2022-03-078
This place specializes in tortas.  I initially gave it a 7 because the web site said there would be a 20-40 minute wait time, I therefore ordered the torta half an hour before I would be able to arrive to pick it up, and the restaurant instead made the torta immediately and served it to me after it had been sitting around for half an hour.  These sorts of ridiculous cover-your-ass over-estimates have been among the worst aspects of the “you must order ahead” covid era. Now that indoor dining is back, I’ve had a fresher sandwich, and it was decent, but thumbs down for the watery and very expensive horchata.
Ken’s Artisan BakeryBakery21st & Flanders, Portland2021-11-088
Here I got an “Oregon croissant” (high on the berries, low on the promised hazelnut cream) and a “mini chocolate caramel croissant” (caramel not really in evidence).  It’d be unfair to draw too many conclusions based on this visit, though, since we got there a few minutes before closing and I doubt the pastries were at their best.
Pizza ThiefPizzaVaughn btw 26th/27th, Portland2021-11-078
First disappointment: not only did the seasonal pizza not match what was on the web site, but it wasn’t even available when I went in.  I wound up getting a cheese slice and a vegan slice, then putting them together so I got cheese and kale in every bite.  That was pretty good, and I was still a bit hungry, so I tried the potato focaccia.  That was outright bad: it tasted strongly of sourdough, it was cold in the middle, and the potato seemingly had not been cooked at all!  Raw and gross.
Pix PatisserieDessertBurnside btw 22nd/24th, Portland2021-11-018
This place used to be a chain, which I would stop at pretty much any time I happened to be passing through Portland.  Over time the number of locations was whittled down, and thanks to the covids, it is now down to, not even a storefront, but a single vending machine.  Yeah, a vending machine full of high-end, jewelboxy desserts.  They’re very good, but the prices are sky high: two bites for $6.75, four bites for $12.  Much as I like the desserts, I can’t justify spending that much.
Lil’ ShalomIsraeliAlder btw 12th/11th, Portland2021-10-188
Here I got a bowl of hummus with cherry tomatoes and some condiments that made it pretty tasty.  On Masterchef Australia the judges will sometimes tell contestants about the importance of “generosity”; this doesn’t mean gigantic portions like at the Claim Jumper, but rather that you don’t want your guests to feel like you’re being stingy, and to serve just one small pita with the bowl of hummus feels rather meager.  Ellie was not a big fan of her tomato soup; she said she was expecting the “cheesy pita” accompaniment to mean “sprinkled with cheese and herbs, then baked”, and instead it was just a pita stuffed with, apparently, a Kraft single.
Old Soul PizzaPizzaMain btw Washington/Oak, Roseburg2021-10-148
Off-the-charts reviews online made me wonder whether this was a true gem or whether folks were grading on a curve because it’s Roseburg.  Verdict: a curve it is!  Way better than chain pizza, sure, but when I opened up my box, it looked like a pizza that had come out of my oven rather than a real pizzeria’s.  (And the basil that was one of the listed toppings was missing.)
Aztec Willie’sMexican (taqueria)Broadway & 15th, Portland2021-06-208
The food here was not great—​I got nachos, and the chips were stale—​but props for being open late when some places (Saint Burrito) can’t be bothered to even be open during their posted hours.
Voodoo DoughnutDonutsnational chain2021-06-198
This place has now expanded beyond Portland, but it still seemed like a must-visit in exploring the Portland food scene.  This is the archetypal hipster donut shop—​whimsical names, donuts topped with M&Ms, donuts iced with pentagrams, donuts shaped like voodoo dolls, etc.—​but ultimately, there’s a pretty low ceiling on how good a donut is going to be.  You can go to your local Happy Donuts or whatever, bring it home, put frosting and M&Ms on it, and you have had the Voodoo Doughnut experience.
29 KettleNutsfarmers’ market booth, Portland2021-06-088
Tasty enough, and warm on a chilly morning, but also expensive enough to make it a one-time splurge out of curiosity: $9 for a single cup of cashews and hazelnuts is not really in my price range.
J CaféCafeHolladay & 6th, Portland2023-05-177
Here I got a breakfast panino to wolf down before getting on the train to the airport.  It was fine but nothing special.
Kung POW!Chinese21st & Glisan, Portland2023-04-157
What kept this out of thumbs-down territory was the sauce in the cherry tofu.  That was pretty good.  Everything else was quite bland.
Sahuayo TaqueriaMexicanGlisan btw 45th/44th, Portland2022-03-057
Pretty much the opposite of the previous night at the Meddling Lime: Ellie once again got a plain burrito and this time she really enjoyed it, while I got chilaquiles and was not impressed.  The place served up a very generous portion but the combination of ingredients was just not for me.  But I may return to try the breakfast burrito, so this entry may be due for an update at some point.
Baby Doll PizzaPizzaStark btw 29th/28th, Portland2021-10-197
Hard to weigh in on this one, because we got our pizza delivered and consequently had to eat it cold.  From what I could tell, it seemed like pretty much the definition of mediocre.  6½ is right in the middle of “mixed”, but I only give integer scores, so I guess I’ll go with the 7 because they did have a lot of toppings on offer, including pickled goathorn peppers.
Saint BurritoMexican28th btw Ankeny/Ash, Portland2021-09-117
This cart serves up wet burritos that are wetter than most, with an unusual number of red ingredients.  Decent, but probably not worth a long trip, and since I usually don’t have a car when I’m in Portland, everything is a long trip.  Penalty points applied for being randomly closed during posted hours after we’d made one of these long trips.
Taqueria La GuacamayaMexicanRogue River & Depot, Rogue River2021-07-247
Yelp gave this place rave reviews, and I wondered whether it would serve good Mexican food or good Mexican food for rural Oregon.  It is very clearly the latter.  My veggie burrito was just a throw pillow full of refried beans, rice, and a bit of cheese.  I didn’t actually dislike it, but this is a school cafeteria’s idea of a burrito.
Ruby JewelIce cream sandwicheslocal chain, Portland2021-07-127
I wasn’t expecting these ice cream sandwiches to taste so much like they came out of a box.  The shop near my old office used to make the ice cream sandwiches in front of you with freshly baked cookies, and they cost $2.  So, yeah, my dessert here wasn’t actually bad, but it fell short of my expectations.
Martolli's of SistersPizzaCascade btw Oak/Elm, Sisters2017-08-217
NY-style pizza of the Old West! I mean, it tasted like it came out of a toaster oven (supermarket cheese and pasty sauce on a crunchy triangle of breadstuff) but, still, a pipin' hot margherita slice in stagecoach country is a huge improvement over, like, Domino's.
Xocalo PDXMexicanHolladay btw 11th/13th, Portland2023-03-206
Figured we’d try this new place since it’s a block away from Ellie’s apartment, but even for a neighborhood spot this is not so hot.  The burritos come sliced in half and served like a deli sandwich, allowing one to see that what we’ve got here is a small amount of filling smeared onto a tortilla which is then rolled into a spiral.  That ain’t the way.
Bake on the RunGuyaneseStark btw 11th/10th, Portland2023-02-276
A couple of penalty points here for multiple attempts to try this place, only to find that the cart was either out of food or closed when its posted hours said it should be open.  But that was when it was in the Hawthorne Asylum, so I hoped it would be more reliable at its new location.  And it was actually open when I got there!  So what is Guyanese food, then?  In this case, at least, it’s Indian food served in fluffy fried pocket bread (the “bake” after which the place is named).  The chana aloo was nothing special, though sparked up a bit by the side of chili sauce.  The sample dal was a bit better, but that’s not offered as a filling, just as a side.  I also got a bake with jam for dessert, which wasn’t bad but was kind of self-limiting.
Waffle HutDinerMain & 1st, Klamath Falls2022-07-316
This place specializes in Liège waffles.  They are very far from the best Liège waffles I’ve had, but still, for a diner in rural Oregon to be offering up Liège waffles deserves some credit.
Taco PedalerMexican (taqueria)two locations, Portland2022-03-076
Here I got a veggie breakfast taco.  It was quite tasty!  But it was microscopic for the price, and also took quite a while to emerge from the kitchen.
Cadillac CafeBreakfast/lunchBroadway btw 19th/17th, Portland2021-12-316
I got the avocado benedict, which was great in theory and kind of blah in practice.  I dunno—​maybe the lesson is not to order a meal that relies heavily on avocados and tomatoes in mid-winter.
Via ChicagoPizzaAlberta btw 20th/21st, Portland2021-12-296
I like deep dish pizza, but this is far from the best rendition I’ve had.  My main issue is that the cheese was weirdly bereft of stretchiness—​it had the feel of pizza cheese that had been cooked and then reheated the next day, even though I ordered a pie to be made from scratch.
Café YummBowlsregional chain2021-11-106
This place is right in Ellie’s apartment complex, so I suppose that it was inevitable that I would end up giving it a try.  Having done so, I wish it had been more evitable.  A bowl of rice and beans and avocado and stuff can’t be that bad, but this one had some flavor in it that I didn’t care for, and I was grateful for the sriracha packets I got along with it.
Fifty LicksIce creamlocal chain, Portland2021-09-116
My “brownie vs. blondie” ice cream was pretty bland—​the brownie and blondie chunks tasted muted by what the parlance of our times might call a “milk-forward flavor profile”.  The same was true of the strawberry shake I tried.  Ellie did like her lavender caramel ice cream, but said that her waffle cone was stale.
Nayar TaqueriaMexicanFoster & 60th, Portland2021-08-236
Not inedible, but black marks for stone-cold rice and guacamole that seemed like salsa verde with a few flecks of avocado floating in it.  And neither dish actually matched the menu description!
the Egg CartonBreakfastFoster & 52nd, Portland2013-07-196
People on Yelp raved about the berry French toast here. They are fools. I mean, it wasn't bad, but it was just French toast made with supermarket sandwich slices. I'm used to French toast being a big impressive deal made from some kind of big impressive bread, both at restaurants and at home. I know it's just a food truck but, seriously, Yelpers have got to get a grip.
Sesame DonutsDonutsregional chain2022-05-205
Saw Portland people online scoffing that Voodoo and Blue Star are for the tourists and that Sesame Donuts was the real local treasure.  My donut was stale and could have come from any corner donut shop in the country.
Cha Cha Cha!Mexicanlocal chain, Portland2022-03-075
The veggie taco I got here was larger and cheaper than the one at Taco Pedaler, but not as good.  Ellie got a burrito that she said she liked but that looked to me like the one from El Coyote.
Café 116CafeLithia btw Pioneer/1st, Ashland2021-06-075
Here I got a breakfast sandwich served on a biscuit that was close to inedible: it was like the fillings were squeezed between two foot-thick slabs of drywall.  Ellie asked for a bagel with cream cheese, and the bagel looked like it had been carved out of clay.  Pretty weird spot! Friendly enough service, though.
MarchéNorthwestern5th Street Market, Eugene2010-06-225
Unimpressed. The pizzetta was mediocre — I thought I liked fromage blanc, but this tasted like goat or sheep cheese, which I can't stand — and the caramel tart was topped with a mountain of whipped cream that I had to scrape off in order to taste anything.
Bombay Chaat HouseIndian12th & Yamhill, Portland2009-05-195
I chose poorly. The Internet said this food cart was great, and it is admittedly a hell of a lot of food for five bucks, but it's also no better than your standard Trader Joe's boil-in-bag Indian stuff.
Dil SeIndianJefferson & 12th, Portland2023-03-194
When an Indian restaurant has a dish that isn’t just one of the standards, it’s hard not to order it, so I went with the “guttivankaya curry”, of which I had never heard: eggplants in a “creamy peanut coconut sesame sauce”.  I erred!  This was not good.  The sauce was worse than the sum of its parts, and the eggplants floating in it were subpar.  Naan was doughy.  I’ll spare this place a red rating because Ellie’s paneer tikka masala seemed unobjectionable.
Jam on HawthorneBreakfast/lunchHawthorne & 23rd, Portland2021-09-134
Problems!  They gave away our group’s coffees to randos and had to remake them, Ellie’s pancakes were raw (twice! they did take them off the bill after the second failure, though), and the beans in my huevos rancheros were dry and unappetizing.
Wailua Shave IceHawaiianBurnside near Oak, Portland2021-06-204
I got the “Lava Flow”; the pineapple snow was okay, but I was disappointed that the strawberries puree was just a little dollop on the top.  At Deja Vu in Burlingame the “Lava Flow” has layers of strawberry throughout and that’s what I was expecting.  The real issue was the “haupia foam”, a coconut-based concoction which tasted like Band-Aids.  It was one of the grossest things I’ve tasted in a while.
Mio SushiJapanesechain2021-06-084
We went here as a Plan B, and in retrospect, it’s too bad Plan A didn’t work out.  I didn’t much care for the veggie tempura sushi I got, and I wound up eating half of Ellie’s avocado tempura sushi when she found the powdery layer on the outside off-putting.  She was also not thrilled when, after waiting for over twenty minutes, she asked for a cup of water, and the server contemptuously huffed, “We sell bottled water. We don’t just give water.”  Apparently you don’t just give a fuck about doing the easy little things that might generate repeat business, either.
Los ArcosMexicanSage btw Parsons/Rossanley, Medford2013-07-194
Yelp, you are terrible. How could you direct me to this place? Not only was the food mediocre, but they overcharged me and when I pointed out that they hadn't used the numbers on the menu sign they basically said, "Ha ha, too late."
CloudforestChocolateHawthorne & 10th, Portland2023-04-162
The hot chocolate I ordered here was basically flavorless, putting it in the 2 to 4 range.  Where it would land within that range depended on ambiance.  The place was blasting rap music.  So, 2, then.
El CoyoteMexicanFessenden near Midway, Portland2021-07-261
Yelp gets a big oof on this one, as the kids say, or used to say.  My huarache was actually not terrible, which is why this isn’t a zero.  But Ellie’s burrito was just a spoonful of refried beans smeared onto a tortilla and folded up, without the pico de gallo I paid $2 extra for.  When I tried to buy Ellie a soda, a comedy of errors ensued, as the woman in the truck brought out the wrong soda three times, including when I literally held up the can for the soda Ellie wanted.  Though, actually, she didn’t want soda at all: she wanted a cup of water, but the proprietor refused to offer one.
Little Big BurgerBurgersregional chain2022-10-300
I didn’t even eat here, but the deafening and extremely bad music plus the endless wait (cows lived out their entire natural lifespans while Ellie waited for her order to come up) made this a zero.
the Antojitos HouseHonduranCornelius Pass btw Johnson/Tualatin Valley, Hillsboro2022-08-070
I admit that the food here is pretty good.  But in the previous version of this writeup, I said, “The main issue with this place is that it’s randomly closed all the damn time.  You have to make sure you call ahead or there’s a very high likelihood that there’ll be a sign on the door saying that everyone’s on break.”  That’s bad enough.  What was beyond the pale on my most recent visit is that I did call ahead and was reassured that the place wouldn’t close until 8 p.m., though the kitchen would stop taking orders at 7:30.  We arrived at 7 p.m.  They had closed early.  That is, they knew they had customers on the way, customers they had promised to stay open for, and closed early.  I don’t care how good the food might be—​that’s beyond the pale.  To hell with this place.


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