conventional prose

Ready, Okay!

The day I turned sixteen years old I had no idea that in a few weeks nearly everyone I cared about would be dead.  It was therefore with a free and unclouded spirit that I went down to the DMV and failed my driving test.

My first novel, now available in a completely rewritten ebook edition! Click on through to learn all about it!

the best of

When I started my Calendar page back in 2000 I didn't realize that it would wind up containing a huge proportion of my subsequent writing. Here are a few of the better articles — often things that started as movie reviews and the like but wound up addressing larger topics.

Wikipedia Brown, Boy Detective (2006.11)

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had one child. They called him Leroy, and so did his teachers.

Everyone else in Idaville called him Wikipedia.

Wikipedia is a web site giving information on all branches of knowledge. It allows visitors to add, remove, or otherwise edit and change its content. It is therefore possible for large numbers of people to create articles and update them quickly as new information becomes available.

Leroy Brown's head was like Wikipedia. It was filled with facts he had learned there. He was like the entire Wikipedia web site walking around on sneakers. Simon Baron-Cohen had written a paper about him.

Wikipedia Brown matches wits with Bugs Meany in The Case of the Captured Koala!


They say that before you can write material of publishable quality, you have to write a million words of crap. I certainly did. Here's some of the stuff I came up with while I was slogging away in the high six digits.

show ▼


I used to have a joke here about there being a grand total of three people on the Internet who hadn't seen Mystery Science Theater 3000... but an entire generation has come of age since I wrote that joke, so this link might need a little explanation. The premise is simple: take one movie, short story, advertisement, you name it, and let the wackiness flow forth as Mike, Tom, and Crow riff on it. Click the robot to visit a site with all my MSTings.

'90s essays

And a Purple Dinosaur Shall Lead Them (1993.12). Uses the Howe/Strauss theory of generations (which I've since more or less disavowed) to speculate on why Barney was so universally hated among Gen X back in the early '90s.

The 75th Word: Dreiser's Language in Sister Carrie (1996.02). I'm not going to put every paper I ever wrote in grad school up on my site, but this one came up in passing in a Calendar article so I figured I might as well link it here.

Trajectories of Fascism: the fiction of Nazi triumph (1996.12). This one is actually pretty interesting.

Return to the top page!