North American eateries

Ratings are on a scale of 0 to 24. The scale used to be 0 to 10, so restaurants written about before 2012 may have only had their ratings adjusted by formula and not by hand (hence all the 2s, 5s, 8s, etc.) The scale works as follows:

24 23 22 21 20 19 18 17 16
15 14 13 12 11 10
9 8 7 6 5 4
3 2 1

An asymmetrical 0 to 24 scale may not be intuitive, I realize. But as a rule of thumb: a double-digit score means I liked it, while a single-digit score... less so. Also, as you might expect, scores from many years ago may not be very reliable, so do check the dates.


Where waiters have to cut your food for you because it takes a trained professional to operate a set of silverware. Ha ha ha ha! Just kidding. I mean, that's almost as ridiculous as not being allowed to pump your own gas.

Click on the column titles to sort the entries!

Name Cuisine Address Last update Score
Apizza SchollsPizzaSE Hawthorne btw 47th/48th, Portland2006-08-1911
This place serves what, from above, is one of the most beautiful pizzas I've ever seen. From below, however, it betrays its New Haven heritage. Yes, this is one of those places, like Sally's and Modern Apizza, where the pizza isn't considered done until the edge and bottom are mostly black. Lamentable. With a less burnt crust this could be a 6 or 7.
BJ's Ice CreamDessert (ice cream)Cascade btw Elm/Oak, Sisters2017-08-2110
I was looking for two things: (1) for the ice cream to be good and (2) for an Oregon-specific flavor. I got the Oregon Trail, chocolate ice cream with a blackberry and hazelnut ribbon. It met the brief.
Bombay Chaat HouseIndian12th & Yamhill, Portland2009-05-195
I chose poorly. The Internet said this food cart was great, and it is admittedly a hell of a lot of food for five bucks, but it's also no better than your standard Trader Joe's boil-in-bag Indian stuff.
Happy Sparrow CafeBreakfastBelmont & 30th, Portland2013-03-2810
This place specializes in kolaches, a type of Czech pastry. They're round and slightly puffy. I got one filled with spinach, mushroom, artichoke, and cheese, and another topped with strawberry jam. They were pretty good.
Kaleidoscope Pizzeria & PubPizzaCrater Lake near Delta Waters, Medford2013-03-189
Here I got a pizza topped with whole roasted garlic cloves and an assortment of other vegetables. You could certainly do a hell of a lot worse traveling through Medford, Oregon, but I doubt I would go there often (or even occasionally) if it were local.
Los ArcosMexicanSage btw Parsons/Rossanley, Medford2013-07-194
Yelp, you are terrible. How could you direct me to this place? Not only was the food mediocre, but they overcharged me and when I pointed out that they hadn't used the numbers on the menu sign they basically said, "Ha ha, too late."
MarchéNorthwestern5th Street Market, Eugene2010-06-225
Unimpressed. The pizzetta was mediocre — I thought I liked fromage blanc, but this tasted like goat or sheep cheese, which I can't stand — and the caramel tart was topped with a mountain of whipped cream that I had to scrape off in order to taste anything.
Martolli's of SistersPizzaCascade btw Oak/Elm, Sisters2017-08-217
NY-style pizza of the Old West! I mean, it tasted like it came out of a toaster oven (supermarket cheese and pasty sauce on a crunchy triangle of breadstuff) but, still, a pipin' hot margherita slice in stagecoach country is a huge improvement over, like, Domino's.
Mother'sAmericanStark & 2nd, Portland2010-06-1914
Thumbs up to this place, where we had a splendid Saturday brunch. I got migas, which are always nice to see on a menu, while Elizabeth decided to get two complete meals: a skillet of "breakfast nachos" (nacho toppings, minus the beans, over potatoes instead of tortilla chips) and a waffle with strawberries. Everything was very good, including the cookie Elizabeth ordered to go. Service was the hipster version of friendly and prices were reasonable.
Petite ProvenceFrenchregional chain2013-03-289
Absolutely beautiful pastries, but many of them were much better to look at than to actually eat. Artichoke omelette was uninspiring. The croissant it came with was a winner, though.
Pine State BiscuitsBiscuitstwo locations, Portland2013-03-288
Here I got an egg and some cheese in a biscuit. It tasted exactly as you would expect. Apparently this is kind of missing the point of this place, in that people normally get the version with fried chicken and bacon on top of the egg and cheese. But if you came here expecting a review of something with fried chicken and bacon, man are you ever in the wrong place.
Pix PatisserieDessertlocal chain, Portland2010-06-2114
This place has a lot of jewelboxy variations on almond cake and a few other things. On my most recent trip north I got a chocolate-orange tart with a dollop of vanilla bean flan — thumbs up.
Potato ChampionFriesHawthorne & 12th, Portland2013-07-186
I really liked the veggie poutine at the Pink Bicycle in Victoria, so I thought I'd try the Portland version. It's no Pink Bicycle.
the Egg CartonBreakfastFoster & 52nd, Portland2013-07-196
People on Yelp raved about the berry French toast here. They are fools. I mean, it wasn't bad, but it was just French toast made with supermarket sandwich slices. I'm used to French toast being a big impressive deal made from some kind of big impressive bread, both at restaurants and at home. I know it's just a food truck but, seriously, Yelpers have got to get a grip.
the Farm CafeNorthwestern7th & Burnside, Portland2010-06-1814
This place serves reasonably upscale cuisine based on local organic produce. You might want to bring dental floss: on my first visit, with Jennifer, we ordered rosemary hazelnuts, blackberry salad with almonds, ravioli with pine nuts, and mascarpone cheesecake with pecans... after that a toothbrush clearly wasn't going to be enough. When I went with Elizabeth a few years later our entrees were not so great — both my asparagus ravioli and her pea risotto were underdone — but the strawberry hazelnut baklava did a lot to make up for it.
the Waffle WindowWafflestwo locations, Portland2013-03-2810
Here I got a waffle with grape tomatoes, brie, basil, and sugar crystals, with a side of apricot jam. It was fine.

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